I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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