I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Randomize
