so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
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