I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
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