Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
