I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
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