cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize