You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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