Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
