Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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