All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Randomize
