I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
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