I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Someone signed my nipple.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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