What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Randomize