Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Randomize