Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
it was like eating out sand paper
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
Randomize
