Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
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