I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
