i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
