he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
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