Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
i now understand why vodka
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Randomize
