He is such a slut. More and more my type.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
Randomize
