I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
