I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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