you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Randomize