Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
My bed smells like the plague
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
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