and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
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