Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Randomize
