Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
