I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Your cock deserves a montage
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
