I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Randomize
