Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Please don't give away my fajitas
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
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