well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Randomize
