he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Blow job season was short but glorious.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
