She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
