I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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