Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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