atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
