Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
Randomize