I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
Never underestimate the power of titties
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