Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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