omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Randomize
