I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
Need sex. Gaining weight.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
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