Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Randomize
