At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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