Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
