dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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