fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
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