yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
how do flat chested girls get laid?
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
Randomize
