Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Randomize
