he puts the penis in happiness.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
