wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize