this beer tastes like vomit already
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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