imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Randomize
