A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
ttyl tear gas
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Randomize
