I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
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