after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
