I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize