Swine flu. Run for my life!
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
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