you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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